Detour Season: How to handle the unexpected, overcome setbacks, and turn things around without getting stuck in a spiral

jourdanjensen94
Jan 11
7 min read

Orange detour sign with text "Detour Ahead" on a winding road through a forest of tall trees with autumn foliage. Peaceful, natural setting.

Life does not wait until you feel ready. One minute you’re making plans, feeling motivated, doing your thing… and the next minute something happens that throws you off. A setback. Bad news. A surprise bill. A conversation you didn’t expect. A situation that makes your stomach drop because you didn’t see it coming.

And what messes with us isn’t always the setback itself. It’s what happens inside our head after. The mental replay. The overthinking. The “what if” loop. The urge to shut down. The way one unexpected moment can make everything feel like it’s falling apart, even when it’s not.

If you’re in that space right now, I want you to know something: you’re not broken for feeling knocked off track. You’re human. Unexpected things are unsettling because they interrupt the version of life we had pictured. They make us question our stability, our confidence, and sometimes even our identity.

Learning how to handle setbacks is not about pretending things are fine. It is about knowing how to respond when life does not go as planned, without letting one moment derail everything else.

But here’s the truth that changes everything. A setback doesn’t have to be the part of your story where everything goes downhill. It can be the moment you learn how to respond differently. It can be the moment you stop letting the unexpected turn into a spiral, and start turning it into a plan.

So if you’re in a “detour season,” this is for you. This is a simple playbook for regaining your footing and moving forward—one step at a time.

A setback is an event, not your identity

Dense forest with tall, dark green pine trees under a foggy sky. The ground is lush with small shrubs, creating a serene and misty atmosphere.

When something goes wrong, your brain immediately tries to make it mean something about you.

It goes from “This happened” to “This always happens.” From “This is hard” to “I cannot handle anything.” From “I did not expect this” to “I am behind in life.” And the worst part is how quickly that story becomes your mood, your motivation, and your confidence.

But you are not at your hardest moment. You are not at your worst. You are not the thing that happened to you.

A setback is an event. A moment in time. Something you experienced. Yes, it can be painful and unfair and exhausting, but it is still not the whole story. It does not get to decide your future unless you hand it the pen.

One of the most powerful shifts you can make is learning to say this clearly. This happened. It is hard. But it is not who I am.

That sentence creates space. And space is where solutions show up.

Step 1: The 24-hour reset rule

Hand reaches to reset 6:30 AM alarm on white clock, beside a lavender candle, flowers, and a notebook. Cozy, peaceful morning setting.

This part is important because I am not going to tell you to “stay positive” or “just move on.” That advice sounds nice, but it is not real life.

You are allowed to feel your feelings. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to have a moment where you do not know what to do next. The goal is not to shut your emotions off. The goal is to keep them from taking over your life.

That is why I like the idea of a reset window. Give yourself a set amount of time to process what happened, then shift from processing to moving. You are not ignoring it. You are choosing not to live inside it.

Here is the reset method I use.

First, vent. Get it out of your head and out of your body. Journal it. Cry. Take a voice note. Talk to someone you trust. Write the messy paragraph you would never post. The point is to release it instead of letting it build pressure.

Then, validate. Just say it plainly. This is hard. Not dramatic. Not weak. Just honest. When you validate yourself, you stop fighting the emotion, and you start moving through it.

Next, verify. Stress makes our brain tell stories, and those stories are usually worst-case scenarios. Ask yourself. What do I actually know for sure? What am I assuming? What details am I missing? What story am I creating because I am scared?

Finally, pick the next step. Not the whole solution. Just one thing that pulls you forward.

Because you do not have to fix your entire life tonight. You just have to do the next right thing. This isn’t about pretending you’re fine. It’s about giving your feelings a place to go without letting them take over your life.

Give yourself a reset window. A day. A night. An afternoon. A set amount of time where you let it be real. You process it. You breathe. You cry if you need to. You talk to someone. You journal. You feel it.

But then you shift from processing to moving.

Here’s the reset method I use:

1) Vent

Get it out of your body and out of your head.

Journal it
Voice note it
Talk to a trusted person
Write a messy paragraph that you’ll never post

2) Validate

Say it plainly: “This is hard.”Not dramatic. Not weak. Just honest.

3) Verify

This part matters because setbacks make our brains lie. Ask yourself:

What do I know for sure?
What am I assuming?
What story am I making up because I’m stressed?

4) Next step

You don’t have to fix everything tonight. You just have to do one thing that moves you forward.

Even if that “one thing” is tiny.

“I don’t have to solve my whole life today. I just have to do the next right thing.”

Step 2: Control vs. chaos (the clarity check)

Woman in a busy office wearing a headset, eyes closed, relaxed. Colleagues in background talking. Desk with papers, coffee, and flowers. — A woman in a busy office wearing a headset, eyes closed, relaxed. Colleagues in the background are talking. Desk with papers, coffee, and flowers.

Overwhelm usually comes from trying to control the uncontrollable.

So when life hits you with something unexpected, do this quick exercise. Draw a line down a page and label it:

What I can control

My next decision
My effort today
The questions I ask
who I reach out to
How do I take care of myself
My boundaries
My schedule from here

What I can’t control

Timing
Other people’s choices
What already happened
Every outcome

This is the fastest way to get your power back.

Because when you stop fighting the “can’t,” you finally have energy for the “can.”

Step 3: The DETOUR Method

Purple "Detour" sign with arrow amid pink and white flowers on a serene forest path. Soft sunlight gives a tranquil mood.

This is the part you can come back to anytime you get blindsided. It’s simple, but it works because it keeps you from spiraling.

D — Don’t deny it

Name what happened clearly. Not the worst-case version, not the emotional version—just the truth.

“This is what happened.”“This is the problem right now.”

Denial keeps you stuck. Naming it gives you traction.

E — Exhale

Before you problem-solve, regulate your body.

Because when your nervous system is panicking, everything feels bigger and scarier than it actually is.

Do one:

Drink water
Eat something
Take a shower
Go on a short walk
Breathe slowly for two minutes
Clean your space for five minutes

A calm body makes smarter decisions

T — Tell the truth (facts only)

Write down the facts.

What exactly happened?
What do I know for sure?
What don’t I know yet?

When you’re stressed, your brain tries to fill the blanks

O — Options

List three possible moves. Even if they aren’t perfect.

Option A
Option B
Option C

You’re not trapped. You just need choices on paper.

U — Unclench perfection

Most people don’t move forward because they’re trying to pick the perfect move.

Instead, pick the smallest step that creates progress:

Send the email
make the phone call
Reschedule the appointment
ask for clarification
Write the first paragraph
set up a payment plan
apply anyway

Progress is not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet.

R — Repeat tomorrow

This is how you actually overcome setbacks: consistency.

Not one heroic day. Not a sudden transformation.

Just repeating the next right step until you’re back on your feet.

Your comeback is built in boring little steps.

That’s when you need a Minimum Day plan.

A Minimum Day is when you decide, “I’m not going to be perfect today. I’m just going to stay anchored.”

Here’s a simple checklist:

Minimum Day Plan

Hand holding a white coffee cup against a scenic mountain backdrop. Sunlit trees and greenery create a peaceful, warm morning vibe.

Some days, life hits hard. You are drained, emotional, overwhelmed, and you do not have your normal energy.

That is when you need a minimum day plan. A minimum day is when you decide, I am not going to be perfect today. I am just going to stay anchored.

On minimum days, success looks like basics. You take care of yourself. You do one small task. You keep your life from falling apart just because your emotions are loud.

Here is what that can look like.

You get up and do basic hygiene, even if it is the bare minimum. You eat something that fuels you. You reset your space for ten minutes. You do one small task that moves your life forward. Then you do one calming thing, like music, a walk, a shower, stretching, or a hot drink.

On hard days, you do not need a full performance. You need a foundation.

Myth-busting: if you’ve ever said “I’ll deal with it later”… read this

Let’s clear up a few lies we tell ourselves when things go wrong:

Myth: “I need motivation first.”
Truth: action creates motivation.
Myth: “If I’m upset, I can’t be productive.”
Truth: You can be upset and still take one step.

Myth: “If it didn’t go to plan, it’s a failure.”
Truth: detours still get you where you’re going.
Myth: “If I’m struggling, I’m weak.”
Truth: Struggling means you’re human.
Myth: “I’ll bounce back when life calms down.”
Truth: You build bounce-back skills in chaos.